who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
