shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
