that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
