so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
