the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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