Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
