im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
