Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
