I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
