Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My legs feel like baby dolphins
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
How does it feel to date your dad?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
