Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
