So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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