mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
