bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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