well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
