i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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