we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
this is an emotional support booty call
Let's get the cat blown out
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
