After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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