in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
