Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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