apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Randomize
