hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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