Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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