Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
