Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
