Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
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