So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Who died my cat blue again?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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