broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
