Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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