I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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