I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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