are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
