just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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