I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize