Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
