he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
