what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
