Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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