I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
