found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
