i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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