Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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