I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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