I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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