Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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