I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
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She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
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I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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