you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
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