Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
