can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
