GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize