lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Randomize
