She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
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perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
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So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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