is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
