I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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