On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
