what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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