i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
