No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
