Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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