i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
