I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize