I cannot find my penis.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
