The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
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Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
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he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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