so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
