I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
