I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
