I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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