how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
