I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
