so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
